shiki no kagi 2

chapter 2

5th January 2005, Monday
Dear Diary,
tsukare~ I had so many additional lectures today that I really DRAGGED my feet all the way home! I did more thinking than usual, because I'm still anxious to go to the orphanage tomorrow. I cancelled my trip for Karaoke with my schoolmates, because of this. Then I got a lot of teasing from them, like, "Ah, you're abandoning us for your girlfriend!" "Who is it??" Of course I can't tell them anything yet. They are really my good buddies, but when it comes to this, it's my little secret. It's good to have secrets sometimes.

I recently got a penpal. Wow, imagine this, Koyama Keiichiro having a penpal! Hmm but I feel so much more open with my penpal. His name is Shigeaki, but I just call him Shige-chan for short. haha. Isn't it funny? How I seem to want to tell this penpal whom I've never seen in person before everything, but not the schoolmates whom I see everyday?

I wonder what goes on in the other house. Akiko's previous house, I mean. It is just a little way down the street, and if I look out the window from the attic I can see it.

My little cousin is preparing to go home already! I'll surely miss her chubby little cheeks are our identical eyes! I'm sure she'll miss climbing the stairs in our house, and of course, my nice hair. I should go off to give her another hug before she goes off.

6th January 2005, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Umeda-sensei was telling us about his own experiences in tutorial today, and he said, "It's hard to break down hard, cold ice unless it is done wit the HEAT of passion." That is the experience he had with a student who was very cold and defensive, always on his guard.

Who knew that was the signal of the day?

I rushed over to the orphanage after lessons (and side note, I think one of my lecture notes from Chinese Literature flew away when I was rushing there!! I better borrow them from my schoolmate.) Yup, so by the time I got there, the little kids were having their early dinner.

The Head of the orphanage, Enomoto-san, was there today, fortunately. She was the one who told me all about this Akiko in the orphanage. We were walking in the backyard, and...

"She was Tanaka Akiko. Her mother passed away sometime after their family separation. I heard she used to be such an optimistic, cheerful girl, who never once broke her promises. But after she came in, she changed totally. She just puts up a guard around her, and totally ignores us. It has been like this for years, and no matter how much we help her, she won't react. And in all this, inevitably, she's hurt quite a few people's feelings."

Akiko. That was her in the orphanage! I had really wanted to see her then. But as that thought came into my mind, someone had burst into the backyard saying that Akiko had run away. Why? Where was she now? And because I was too anxious, I immediately volunteered to search for her, without waiting for a reply from Enomoto-san.

It didn't take me very long to find her -- wait, or is it because I didn't take note of the time? Anyway, I found her beneath a sakura tree. The tree had no blossoms on it yet, because the sakura season hasn't arrived yet. She was gazing at the tree very quietly.

"I heard she used to be such an optimistic, cheerful girl, who never once broke her promises."

Does that still stand true now? Because what happened next hurt me a lot. I had run to her, and she had stared at me. I swear her face really paled horribly. Plus all that cold in this time of the year... "Akiko?" I called.

But she didn't respond warmly. She refused me. She refused to acknowledge me! She brushed the whole relationship off with a, "I don't know who you are."

"Don't you remember me? I'm Keii-chan! We used to be the best of friends. Don't you remember our promise?" But no, she didn't remember. I felt like somebody just poured a whole barrel of ice water over me.

She simply stared at me like she had never seen me before. No matter how much I talked, it didn't seem to get into her. And while I'm writing this, I still feel that ache when this took place. I really don't know what to do with her.

Seeing her in this situation made me really want to protect her and let her trust me, but I panic so much now, I have no idea what I should do! If only an answer could just drop from the sky! So many years have passed and she's just changed so much, I've got too much running through my mind. I was just standing there, rambling off our relationship, but nothing could make the old Akiko come back. All she did was silently brush past me and walked back to the orphanage...

Tell me what I should do... The silence in the house at midnight now is scaring me. I wonder if I shall be able to wake up early enough for school tomorrow. I can't get back to sleep. It feels so cold.

I still see that sakura tree outside there. If by some chance it is really going to be our symbol, I pray for it to help us. I want to bring Akiko back.

7th January 2005, Wednesday
Dear Diary,
...I am in the orphanage now. I actually requested to stay there for a few days. Of course, I mustn't trouble Enomoto-san right? I am going to help out there everyday and also pay for my own meals. It's not like I should eat the orphanage's money, because they need it to support the children! I want to observe Akiko, I want to know what I should do to help her, until the day I hear her call me Budou-chan again. I want us to be in purple and orange again.

I have to take a longer distance to school, too, but I don't mind. Koyama has to learn to be determined and train himself!! I just received Shige-chan's reply, isn't that fast? He says he heard his family used to have a girl named Akiko too. Wow. Is this name that common... But nevertheless I found Tanaka Akiko. And I am glad I found her, even though we are at this difficult point now.

Orenji-chan, matteru yo.